HOW TO HEAL AFTER THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
Experiencing the loss of a parent is a moment in our lives that none of us want to experience. It’s hard to know how to recover from a situation like this, particularly when the person has been the matriarch of the family.
There is the old saying, “The pain gets easier as time goes by” and whilst that maybe true for some, others can find it harder to move on.
When we focus on the ‘loss’ of someone, we suffer all the more. Just by using the word ‘loss’ in our vocabulary means we access unhealthy emotions and behaviours.
Today is the 4-year anniversary since my mum passed away. At the time, it helped a lot by taking comfort from all of the kind tributes and by celebrating the life she led.
I found my work gave me an advantage because I knew that what I said to myself about the situation and how I acknowledged her passing would be vital in how I healed. I knew by focusing on the good memories, and by valuing what we loved about her would help me through.
I was proud and humbled by all the amazing values she taught me and my three sisters. ‘Be respectful to others’; ‘life is for living’; ‘Be kind to your friends and family for they are everything’.
Mum was a wonderful, caring friend who touched the lives of her family and friends. She could strike up a conversation with a stranger anywhere…a lift, a bus, a queue, you name it!
So, I chose to concentrate on being grateful for the kind, fun loving and gentle mum we learned from who showed amazing courage when she became ill. She had an amazing work ethic. She ran a business with my dad, whilst bringing the four of us up. She had real grit and determination and could adapt to most situations.
I appreciated how she was always there to provide guidance and a listening ear when we needed it. She intuitively knew how to balance when to offer advice and when to just listen.
I was so grateful that we had the opportunity to take a few holidays together after I was divorced and, we visited some amazing places together.
She demonstrated qualities we will treasure always. In acknowledging and living by them, she continues to live on in all of us.
Carpe Vita means to “Seize Life” and it has never resonated so much for me. If ever there was a reminder to live our lives on purpose, my mum is an example of doing just that. She knew that life is a gift, to take nothing for granted and to live in the moment, authentically.
She lives on in all of us, what a legacy!
If you’ve been finding it hard to heal after the loss of someone, consider writing down the memories you have with this person that you’re truly grateful for. Recall all of the things that make you smile and the particular qualities and values you learned from them.